Remember He Walks On Water...

“A scared world needs a FEARLESS church.”- AW Tozer.

Peter: “Where are all of our pillows and blankets?”

Me: “Downstairs in the storage closet.”

Peter: “Why?”

Me: “Because the weather channel said that there was a strong chance of a tornado! I prepped blankets, pillows, food, water and extra outfits for all of us. I also put the extra glass jars in the other closet in case they were to fly off the shelves and hit us in the head…”

Peter: “I love you.”

I wish this conversation was made up. If you don’t know me very well let me explain. I have an irrational fear of tornados. It’s so bad. I have massive panic attacks as soon as the tornado warning sirens go off. I constantly check the clouds when it’s storming… scanning the skies for anything that could possibly resemble a funnel cloud to fuel the unfounded fear that is bubbling over. Which is super weird considering I actually love storms.

There I was, Thursday afternoon, taking the two hours I have while both girls nap to basically make the storage room down in our basement safe enough to hide in when the tornado would rip through our house. Let me start out by saying that there is nothing wrong with being prepared for things. I love being prepared; the degree I personally prepare is a little much. I’m sometimes a little extra and I can readily admit this weakness. I packed the diaper bag with 4 or 5 outfits for the girls and multiple outfits for Peter and I. I took the comforter off the guest bed and brought the extra pillows and blankets for the floor. Now I will say, if anything happened Thursday night, we would have been well prepared. That’s not really the issue here. The issue is the attitude and manner in which I prepared this safe house. I have noticed recently that I can pretty much justify most of my actions, it is the intent and the emotion behind them that might be in need of some attention and healing.

I was frantic. I am embarrassed to admit a lot of this but I find it important to illuminate my weakness in order to explain my lightbulb moments. Sometimes I just need you to see just how far down the rabbit hole my brain travels before I come back to reality. I could not get a hold of my anxiety. While this was happening, I also got the call that all public schools were closing for a couple weeks which means the musical that I am music directing is moving to all virtual rehearsals… if we figure out how the heck to accomplish that. Or how to encourage a group of middle schoolers to be responsible enough to learn the music online! I then got the call that my hubby will be working from home for the next 3 weeks, and we all know the panic that the world is going through at the moment with this current pandemic… It was all starting to feel heavy. So instead of focusing on things I could actually accomplish, I made a tornado shelter in our house.

When all it did was barely rain, I got weirdly mad when I should have been thankful and relieved. It was almost as if the slowly falling rain was mocking my distrust in the creator of the drops themselves. The gentle tapping on the roof was a reminder that I let my emotions add fuel to the small spark of doubt that whispered, “Can you really trust God?” I was waiting for the dangerous winds to come and prove that I had a right to shake my fist in Gods face and say, “See! I knew you didn’t have my best interest at heart” as if the clay has any right to tell the potter how hot the fire must be in order to become the masterpiece he intended to create. I sat and looked out at the rain and said to myself, “Oh ye of little faith, why did you doubt?” I cant’t imagine how Peter must have felt when Jesus spoke those same words to him. (Matthew 14:31) Because after all, Jesus has never given me a reason to doubt.

As I removed the pillows and blankets from the closet I realized that it was never actually about the tornados…. I was trying to create a physical representation of what my mind and my heart was actually craving. I needed to feel safe and I needed stability.

There has been a lot of uncertainty in my life and in my family lately. Everyone in my life is fighting such a severe battle right now and I feel ill equipped to lend my aid. My intentions are most of the time pure when I sign up to stand on the front line with my loved ones but I forget that I have my own battles to fight as well. I often stuff my own issues down and focus on others so that I can run away long enough to pretend there is nothing wrong. I end up fighting everyone else’s battles but my own.

I remember a conversation I had in college with a very close friend. We were driving back to Cincinnati and I was complaining about a breakup and explaining to her that I was having trouble trusting that God’s plan was better than my own. (Pause to praise God that his plan WAS better and I am married to a STUD, can I get an AMEN!) She was very patient in listening to me before laying the biggest truth bomb on me that I wasn’t prepared to receive.

“If you can’t trust God… then you don’t know Him well enough.”

Excuse me?! I have walked with Jesus for my entire life, you think that I don’t know him? I was floored. When I took time to dissect what that actually meant I realized she was right. I have spent my whole life believing in a God who I tell everyone about. I have seen and witnessed miracles, I have seen answered prayers and I have felt the presence of God. All of those things are great… no, wonderful actually! On the other hand, do I know Him? Do I know His heart? Because if I really knew Him, I could trust Him.

In the midst of all this chaos… the world needs to see some Jesus followers who actually know Jesus. Who stand on His promises and on His word. Who are not afraid of the storm because they know in whom our safety lies. I shouldn't need a physical representation of a safe place, because HE is my safe place. I wonder how Thursday would have gone if instead of panicking and finding more pillows, I grabbed one pillow and put it underneath my knees for some prayer time with my God. I wonder how much time I could have saved myself if I went to the source of my comfort and my peace instead of looking to myself to save the day. What would it look like if the church actually trusted God through these trials? Now I am not saying that we will never fall short and feel the fear… that is in fact the humanity inside all of us. What I am saying is how do we respond to those emotions? How do we respond when the anxiety starts to bubble up? How do we respond in sleepless nights? What If instead of grabbing all the pillows and blanket and extra dry goods (yes I even did that… no I don’t want to talk about it 😂) we grabbed our Bible and fought through the lies with some truth!

Listen, I truly acknowledge that the seas are rough and the waves are high… I am truly aware that there are battles people are weary of fighting, I know because I am fighting many. There is a lot of uncertainty and fear in the world right now. I am only suggesting that we change the way we do battle, and change the way we find comfort and strength. Let’s show the world that we can rise up out of the ashes stronger than we were. Let’s show this world that we don’t cower in the storm, but we stand and adjust our sails. Let’s show this world that Jesus is the reason we can smile and keep our eyes above the waves. Do you believe that He is worthy to be trusted? It is time to show the world the real Jesus. “Be strong and courageous. Do no be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you.” Joshua 1:9

“A scared world needs a fearless church” -AW Tozer.

A scared world also needs a loving church.

A scared world needs Jesus.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalms 46:10

These are rough seas we are in… thankfully my Jesus walks on water.

XOXO, KB