Retiring from the Baby Race

I remember when Elliana was a baby like it was yesterday. I was exhausted, terrified and so proud. Every month I would set up a cute blanket, lay her on her back and snap a million pictures for her monthly milestone update for the fam and for social media. I would carefully select the perfect picture reflect on all she had accomplished that month to share with the world. She was always ahead of her milestones. Everything she did was early. I would post it with pride when I bragged about her crawling early, then when she stood up everyone was astounded… and then she walked!! Not only that, but she started talking, then putting sentences together way before she was supposed to! I was so proud. I didn’t have a ton of kids around her to compare her to so I just compared her to research. Truthfully, if I could do her first year over again, l’d still brag about her… but I’d brag about the things that are more important. I’d write all the milestones down for my family, but I’d share about her heart, her mind and the way she cares.
Let me explain. When Shaylee was born I put unrealistic expectations on her. I thought she’d follow the same timeline and I was ready and prepared to brag all about my early baby! Some things she did do early! She lifted her head up early, she crawled early and she definitely laughed early. Then the pandemic hit, then we moved and her routine and reality was completely shifted. Whatever the reason was, by milestone research, she fell behind. I didn’t panic because I know that every kid is different but I started feeling like I was doing something wrong. By this point I had enough friends who had kids and I watched their videos of their kids and started to feel sad. I truthfully compared Shaylee to everyone. Even her older sister. I’d watch kids who are similar in age to Shay and tears would fill my eyes. I’d see them talking, learning, potty training, being independent, weaning off bottles and pacis…. and the twinge of comparison turned into sadness. I felt defeated, I felt like a failure. I’d like to tell you all that I never feel that way anymore but truthfully I still see kids her age who are verbal and ahead and I have to actively celebrate them to help my own heart get back to the right place.

Then I realized something, I’m missing the unique beauty and gifting that God has placed inside Shay by limiting her to a set of standards. She is learning sign language, she is so kind and empathetic, she is hilarious, she has a beautiful singing voice, she is a beautiful dancer and she is sweeter than pie. We are in the process of getting an evaluation for her being behind verbally but I’m reminding myself that she may be behind by society standards but she is ahead by my standards.

I’ve decided to let Shaylee make her own timeline. Every child deserves to have a parent champion for them… I will be the loudest in her crowd. I may still get sad when I see other kids, but I will try and celebrate their timeline while creating our own lane over here.
I’m not sure when the “baby race” (if you watch Bluey on Disney, watch the baby race and get ready to cry) got created in society, but there definitely is one. If you are feeling discouraged about your child’s place in this societal race… join me I created your own. Start embracing your child’s unique timeline and find the things that are worth bragging about! If your child is ahead in this race, I’m so excited for you, truly!! I have just decided to retire both of my kids from the pressures of such a race, even if that pressure was just on me! 🤣

So far now I’ll leave you with this, Ellie is inquisitive, passionate, empathetic, courageous and loving. Shay is sweet, hilarious, persistent, caring, strong, gentle and generous.

and Mama…. You’re doing a great job. ❤️

XOXO,

KB