It's Okay to Grieve

Day 28. Maybe I should stop counting… I am not sure if it is helping or hurting! I have really tried in the last couple weeks to keep myself positive. I have created schedules, kept myself and the kiddos as busy as possible, spent as much time outside as possible, danced, worship, prayed, worked out and possibly have eaten everything in this house. While all of these things I have needed to do there was one thing that was missing from all of it.

I never grieved. I never processed.

I never acknowledged the feelings that I have been feeling. I have said this in past blog posts; I have more than one spirit animal. I am both the tortoise and the hare. When life gets hard, or when I feel overwhelmed in any situation I turtle. I draw into myself and hide. Not only do I turtle but I run. It is a really fun combination to fight with, just ask my hubby haha! When stress and life happens I stuff and run away. During this quarantine, I have been stuffing and running for weeks!! Everything else I have been doing has been awesome. The working out is great for me, the scheduling is keeping me sane but there was a small piece of me that still felt uneasy and I wasn’t quite sure what it was.

One of my best friends made the bold decision to move to Prague last year to follow her dreams of teaching in another country. I have never been more proud of her. She had tenacity and boldness like I have never seen. I watched her grow afar through face time and pictures and I secretly counted down the days for her return to the States! With all the travel bans and the stay at home orders going into effect, she made the brave decision to cut her trip short and fly back home. I was secretly so excited. Ok, maybe not so secretly. However, I knew that she was cutting her journey short and would need to grieve the loss of the rest of the summer traveling through Europe. She came back home and stopped by my house to drop off some masks that she had brought back from Prague. Because of the stay at home order and the fact that she had been traveling in Europe, she has to stay in quarantine for a while before I can actually hug her. When she dropped off the masks she put them in the mail box and stood outside our window, in the grass waving to Ellie (my two year old daughter) and I.

What you may not know is that my oldest daughter absolutely adores her. Finally seeing her 5 feet away from us, separated through glass there was a shift in my emotions that I hadn't allowed since this whole thing started. I didn’t have any more room to stuff. My little girl looked at me and kept saying, '‘Why can’t she come inside? I want to play with her!”

I broke.

Tears came streaming down my face. Everything that I had bottle up came tumbling out of my eyes. See, while all of the other things I had been doing to stay positive was noble, I needed to acknowledge the emotions that I was feeling. I needed to grieve. I needed to share the feelings that I was feeling.

It’s okay to grieve. I always thought that because I was safe and healthy that I had no right to grieve. Somewhere in my life I adopted the notion that I had to be the strong one for everyone around me. I had to be the one to always keep it together. So I taught myself how to be a brick house or the people that I love. I am not saying that you cannot be strong for your family, that is normal! However there is something that happens when we ignore emotions, or stuff them down. Sooner or later they find a way out. Have you ever heard the expression ‘the straw that broke the camels back’? Straw can’t actually break their backs obviously, but it’s the final straw that makes the most impact. This was my final straw. I was broken.

Grieving is not a weakness. Feeling these emotions doesn’t mean you’re weak, it actually shows great strength.  What is crazy is that I read an article the other day that talked about the benefits of crying. Yes, Crying. You can ready it here. One of the things that was stated was that when we cry out of stress our tears actually contain stress hormones in them. You are actually releasing the stress hormone out of your eyes!! Further more, Oxitocin is released into the brain after a good cry to calm your nervous system down. Let’s take a moment to applaud our creator for thinking of everything. How amazing is that?! That’s why you feel better after a good cry!!

During this time of quarantine give yourself permission to grieve. Remember that grieving is different for everyone so be patient with yourself as well as others. Take some time to recognize the things in your life that are different. Grieve the loss of weddings, grieve the loss of not seeing your family, grieve the loss of travel and trips, grieve the loss of time spent with friends, grieve the loss of worshiping with your church, grieve the sickness, grieve the heartbreak in the world, grieve the anxiety, grieve the loss of friends or family, grieve the loss of normalcy and just grieve. Allow yourself to feel the emotions and let them out.

Right now the world feels overwhelming. It is good to have ways to keep yourself sane, I wrote about my ways here! These are all excellent ways to keep your mind and heart occupied during the chaos. None of that matters if you are stuffing down your emotions like I do. At some point, you will break too. You know what?? That’s ok. Jesus grieved too.

 “When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied.

Jesus wept.

Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” (John 11:30-36)

Even Jesus needed to feel the emotions. He needed to grieve. What is crazy about that verse is that He took time to grieve what had happened before he raised His friend from the dead. He knew what He was about to do & yet He still took the time to grieve.

What happens when we are broken?

Have you ever wondering how wine is made? The grapes are pressed, either by someone stomping them or from an actual press. When they are pressed, what comes forth will bring new wine. It is a beautifully poetic process.

In this season, maybe there is new wine ready to come forth from within you. Maybe there is a song to be written, a painting to be painted or a problem that needs your brain to solve it!! Allow yourself to feel the grief, feel the pressing and allow new wine to be brought out of you.

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)

Are you a turtle who stuffs? Are you a hare who runs away? Or are you like me who actually does both! I encourage to find some time and grieve. Feel the pressing. Write down the things that you are grieving. Talk them out with your best friend or your spouse. Take the time to grieve.

It’s ok to grieve, it’s ok to break.

Let it out.

XOXO, KB