The Window to your Soul
Hi Friends!! Quarantine Day 22.
How has it almost been a month already. Feels a little strange to me that we have been living this life for almost a month and it still hasn’t fully set in. I was feeling super anxious this week so my amazing husband said it may be wise if I did the grocery shopping so I could get out of the house and clear my head a bit. I always feel a bit foggy and run down when I am anxious so getting away and clearing my head usually does the trick. However, today was weird. It was the first time I had really shopped at a grocery store since the ‘stay at home’ order went into effect. I wasn’t mentally prepared for what it would feel like and what I would see. It was sobering. Not because anyone was panicking, not because people were crazy, it was simply because the air was heavy. It was quiet. Not silent.. there were announcements being made over the loud speaker others were definitely talking, but it was quiet. Most of the people in the store were wearing masks but something struck me as I looked at peoples faces. The only thing left on their faces that wasn’t covered up were their eyes.
Their eyes said it all.
William Shakespeare once said, “The eyes are the window to your soul.” I saw a lot of souls today and I left feeling both heavy and hopeful. Which is a weird combination if you think about it. It almost felt like I was in a movie. Everyone was moving cautiously, but also with intention. It’s that inner fight that is within all of humanity right now that combines self preservation with the longing for human connection. You could feel both. I had multiple moments where I looked into a strangers eyes for more than I normally would feel comfortable with. This felt different. It’s like we all can communicate our own language that we all understand at this time. I halfway except everyone to start hugging strangers when this is all over, let’s be honest it might just be me hugging everyone!
Your eyes tell a story even if you are not meaning to share it. I saw pain and heartache, I saw a lot of fear and worry, I saw confusion and doubt but I also saw hope. I saw that spark of hope that is springing through the ashes like a flower blooming after a hard winter. Yes, I saw it all just by looking into peoples eyes.
We are all scared in some way. I drove home very quiet and heavy as I processed all of the stories and prayed for the people I had encountered at the store. As much as it made me heavy, it did inspire me to hold onto that mustard seed like faith. Even the smallest amount can move a mountain. (Matthew 17:20) I am tired of letting fear win. I am tired of letting my anxiety take over. I want to fight.
I want to battle my Fear with Faith. There are two verses that I like to remember when I feel fear. “There is no fear in love but perfect love drives out all fear.” (1 John 4:18). I love this verse because I picture Jesus’ love is the perfect love. His love drives out all fear. The closer I am to the heart of Jesus the less I will fear. There is no fear in the presence of God. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) Whenever I start to feel the fear creeping in, I need to remind myself to spend time with Jesus. I want to replace the Fear with Faith! How do I do that?…. That’s easy, I don’t. He does. This has been an ongoing lesson for the control freak in me. I like things to be figured out and the plan to be drawn up but it will never work like that. What gives me peace is this verse… “When I am faithless, God is faithful.” (2 Timothy 2:13). This gives me hope and peace. I do not have to strive to grow my faith, I just need to spend time with Him. Have you ever said the phrase, “I’ve been spending too much time with you, you are starting to rub off on me!”? That is a normal phrase because the more time you spend with someone the more you start to pick up their traits and mannerisms! It’s the same way with God. The more time you spend with Him, the more your faith begins to grow. The more your faith begins to grow, the less fear can enter your heart.
I was to replace my Anxiety with Admiration. I think something that I have noticed during this time, is the pure fact that we have time to notice things. Now this is coming from a girl who annoyingly notices everything but this has given me the opportunity to notice things that matter. Not just to notice but to admire. Admiration truly means to respect and approve of something or someone. I feel like that is placing something in high regard. I’m finding that when I take time to admire the people and things around me, the less anxious I feel! The weather was beautiful yesterday so we decided to get the girls outside and burn some of their energy before bedtime. We brought the jumpy seat outside for Shaylee and let Ellie run around to her hearts content. It was good for the soul. Truly. I was sitting on the sidewalk drawing with chalk when I looked at our beautiful flowering tree in front of our house. I have seen it before obviously, we have lived here for 3 years, but this time I studied it. I looked at the colors and the way the limbs fell, I truly admired it. It sounds so silly but the more I admired that tree the less stressed and anxious I felt. It’s just a tree, but I took the time to admire the beauty and the world seemed ok for just those couple of minutes. What an amazing creator our God is. I then started to really study my daughters. I listened to their laughter and studied the dimples in their cheeks and realized that these moments will never happen again. A sobering thought for a mama!! Admire your kids, admire your spouse, admire your mom, or you dad, admire nature and most importantly admire your God. When you get a good look at your God suddenly your anxiety doesn’t seem so big. Suddenly you start to feel His peace. The peace that passes all understanding. (Philippians 4:7)
Peace is not the absence of pain or conflict, but rather the quiet assurance that God is sitting on His throne.
I want to replace my worry with worship. If you follow me on social media (you totally should, I post lots of cute pictures of my babies!! @mindfullymendedmama #shamelessplug) you would have seen that I posted a video of me worshiping on Wednesday. Wednesday was one of those super heavy days where I worried about every tiny detail, stressed about large and small things and I was crumbling under the weight of it all. God told me to sing. I was like, “Nah, my girls are finally asleep I am not waking them up…” Well, my youngest woke up no more than 5 minuets later. OK, I’ll sing. I chose some songs and none of them were really helping until I randomly starting singing, “It is Well.”
When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul
It is well
With my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul
You guys, I broke. Something in me just surrendered. It is well with my soul. My soul. The whole of who I am. My entire being sings ‘It is well’. Why do I sing that? Because I know who holds my world. I am not saying that we don’t have a right to feel the fear. We do. But peace like a river flows…. and I have a choice to dip my toe in or dive in and throw my arms up to the heavens while saying IT IS WELL. Whatever you have for me Lord, It is well. Your plans are higher than mine so It is well. You love me and you have a plan for me so… It is well. Whenever worry starts to flood your mind, jump into the waters of peace. Make sure that you are swimming in the right waters. Worry, fear and anxiety can overtake you while Gods rivers can restore you and give you peace.
For me, it is a choice. I can allow the fear to creep in, or I can fight it with faith and spend time with God. I could allow the anxiety to take root, or I can admire the amazing blessings all around me. I could worry about every detail of my life or I can lift my hands in worship and surrender singing, “It is Well.”
I saw a lot of souls today that were downcast and heavy, but there was that spark of hope. I want people to look in my eyes and see the hope, feel the peace and keep walking forward. Our eyes truly are the windows to the souls… I want my soul to feel peace.
XOXO, KB