Why I stopped saying, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle."
I just left my parents house and I’m feeling that altogether familiar feeling of heaviness. Im just…heavy. Emotionally heavy, spiritually heavy, just heavy. The kind of heavy you feel when you’re carrying a heavy hiking backpack or maybe (in my case) a 27 pound toddler and an almost 1 year old. In any case this type of feeling has been felt by many people, so I know that I am not an island in this particular case even though it may feel lonely. My family is facing yet another mountain and it just left me feeling very unprepared for yet another battle that is on the horizon. Another uphill climb…(cue Miley Cyrus and ‘The Climb’ haha). I started dwelling on all the impending trails that were on the way and the ones we haven’t even cleared and a cliche phase popped into my head. Almost as if it were a weird infomercial version of me. She was cleaned up with a perfectly pressed dress, make up and perfect hair with the fakest smile and photoshopped dimples saying, “Its ok God doesn’t give us more than we can handle!!” I found the real version of myself climbing into the Tv screen of my mind and punching that perfectly smiling version of me while the imaginary crowd watching gives me a standing ovation. As I pick up the roses that lay at my feet from my imaginary adoring fans, I come to and think, “how is that phrase even helpful to people going through hard times?” I have frequently felt like less of a believer rolling my eyes as very well meaning brothers and sisters in Christ used this phrase to try and encourage me in my trials. To be honest I have probably used this phrase to try and lift other peoples spirits as well. So why does it make me so uncomfortable when I hear it? Why does it make me feel inadequate when this phrase leaves the lips of very well meaning and loving people. It causes me to sarcastically laugh and probably utter to myself… “Well then God made me superwoman and forgot to tell me.” The reality is life is incredibly hard sometimes. This is just a temporary home and it's a very broken one. None of that helps in these types of situations. I prayed through how I was feeling and came to a realization for my heart and for my journey with Christ.
-Sometimes God allows things into our lives that really are more than we can handle.-
*GASP*
Now before you exit the screen and call heresy, stop and recognize that this I what I discovered for my personal walk with Christ. I am not claiming to be a theological genius or challenge the great scholars on this topic. I am just simply sharing how this change of thinking impacted the way I walk through the fires in my own life.
Let me share one of my experiences with you.
-My day started out like any other day, I woke up my then 1 year old (Ellie) from sleeping and started making her breakfast. For those of you who don’t know, at this point in time I was 7 months pregnant with our second child. I was exhausted and excited…. but mostly exhausted. The morning was pretty normal until I got a call from my mom. She explained that I needed to pack Ellie into the car and pick her up as soon as humanly possibly. She needed to get to the hospital as fast as my car could legally take us and my dad was on a job site that was almost an hour away. “Um…. What?” Trying to allow my brain waves to catch up on what my heart rate was already telling me. This. Is. Bad. You see, something happened with one of my moms heart medications that was causing her to retain water and leading her into a heart attack. She had just called her cardiologist who instructed her to go to the emergency room at her hospital. However the good hospital was a bit of a drive. So there I am, 7 months pregnant, with my beautiful one year old in her car seat, driving fast enough to save my moms life, but also slow enough to keep everyone in the car safe as well. (Pause for a moment to recognize that I absolutely have an irrational fear of driving from the 5 car accident I have been a passenger of). We are about 10 min from the hospital when my mom lays the car seat back and say in her calmest voice, “Hey baby, I might pass out… if I do keep driving because you’ll get to the hospital faster than calling an ambulance would. Everything going to be ok.” I know that she was the one having a heart attack but in that moment I thought my heart was going to buddy up with hers and join this terrible dance. I took a couple deep breaths and in that moment that same cliche phrase popped in my head like one of those annoying kid wack-a-mole games. All I could think in that moment was, BUT WHERE’S MY MALLET!!!
It was too much to handle. I am calling a spade a spade! It is sometimes too much, and you know what… admitting that takes incredible courage. I think pursing the notion that we can handle everything is setting ourselves up for failure. It is creating this ideal of perfection that is not attainable. When did we become a people that praise ourselves for the ability to ‘get through’ tough times unscathed and do it by ourselves. Like it makes us superior humans if we aren’t affected by the trials in our lives. We become rigid robots that are incapable of processing emotion the right way because God forbid we show weakness. We have made lying a reliable companion and plaster a fake smiling face over a heart that is broken and aching for someone to hold our hand and say, “me too”. We are chasing perfection with broken legs constantly retouching the photos of our lives to smooth over the rough areas to appear like we have it all together. Clinging to this fake facade like a security blanket hoping and praying that no one can actually tell you’re a secretly a hot mess.
Join the club friend. I am a hot mess too.
I am a hot mess… I am a control freak. It has been something that I am praying through and dealing with on a daily basis. Being a control freak has made following Jesus a daily struggle for me. Not because I don’t think that He is worthy me following him, but because it is a daily battle to let go of my control and let him lead me. My mom and dad raised me to be a strong independent woman of God and even before their incredible parenting I truly believe to my core that God made me stubborn and bull headed. There is a purpose for that trait in my life but it does make letting God lead my life super challenging. Everyday I try to lead what my incredible husband calls ‘open hand living’. Meaning that I must surrender to His will daily and whatever happens I open my hands in worship and let go of what I am currently holding onto in order to follow him to the best of my ability. (Don’t worry, if you want more on this topic, I'll have Peter write his on blog post about that. He’s a pretty incredible speaker. #swoon) Sometimes in this broken world that we live in really difficult times are like the unwanted guest that hangs on awkwardly too long before you finally get brave enough to tell them to beat it.
Here’s the truth. We are not supposed to handle things on our own. Let me repeat that louder for the people in the back… yes, even you perfect Karen… (sorry if your named Karen…). Sometimes life is just too Damn hard. The truth is, there have been many times in my life already where I have felt like the valley I was walking through was WAY too much to handle. That cliche phrase implies some inadequacy, as if what we are walking though should be easier. Or entirely differently we try to muster up this strength from within and feel like failures when we feel defeated in the battle.
There will be times in your life when the load is too heavy, the hurt is too deep and the pain is too real. Now at this point I could end this whole thing and it would be incredibly depressing. This is why this phrase makes me crazy. Its a self focused solution looking at a mountain sized problem. I finally realized WHO I serve. I finally realized I was looking to the soldier in the mirror without thinking about the king who sits on the throne. If I truly believe in this amazing God why am I try to fix problems on my own. It say in scriptures more times than I can count to lean on His strength and to trust Him! I think that God has allowed some hardship in my life to shape me and mold me into a better person. I also think that because of this broken world hard time are inevitable, yet we have a promise that God will take what was meant for evil and allow something beautiful to be born out of it! (Genisus 5:20). If I keep looking to myself to carry my load, no wonder I am weary and defeated. I was never meant to carry the load alone.
“Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
I am officially retiring that worn out phrase. I think the better thing to say is, “I know it’s tough and I know it hurts, but God’s got you.”
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33
Jesus Himself tells us in John that we will have trouble. He basically warns us that this is a broken world and it’s not going to be an easy road. The greatest promise is that He has overcome the world and one day He will come and restore the brokenness. Until then, we take heart.
What does it mean to take-heart?
-take-heart. Verb. (idiomatic) to be courageous; to regain one's courage. Take heart, help will arrive shortly and everything will be fine.-
Help will arrive shortly. I love that. Dear Kristen and dear whoever may be reading these words right now, take-heart. Take-heart and ask for help, rise up, lean on God and other, and wait expectedly. We will have trouble, but God has overcome the world. You are not alone.
These are rough seas we are in, thankfully my Jesus walks on water.
XOXO, KB
