An Open Letter to my Friends Without Kids

My Dearest Friend,

Hey, it’s me. I know it may have been a while since you have heard from me and for that I am sorry. There are a couple things that I need you to know. I am writing this in an effort to let you know how much I value you and how thankful I am for your role in my life. It would mean so much to me if you would read this and take to heart everything that I am writing. It is truly from my heart.

I MISS YOU.

I wanted to start out with the truest thing that I could say to you. This is it. I miss you. I miss us and I miss the relationship we had before I became a mom. I miss our conversations, I miss our lunch dates and happy hours, I miss staying up late and binge watching our favorite shows, I miss going to the movies and eating way to much cookie dough. I sincerely miss you.

I DIDN’T EXPECT SO MUCH TO CHANGE.

Honestly. I knew becoming a mom would change somethings but not my whole world. I know that you were there before the babies, but I didn’t know how much I would change. I didn’t expect the world to be so new and different. I didn’t expect to feel so isolated and I didn’t expect that I would lose my ability to ask for help. I thought everything would continue on the way it was, but this little tiny human has altered my universe and I don’t know how to explain it any better than that. Please be patient with me as I navigate this new world and figure out how to love and serve you as my friend now that I am a mother.

I’M SORRY.

I am sorry for the things that I have said or done to hurt you. I am so sorry if you feel like I haven’t made time for you or if my hormones came out of my mouth before I filtered them. I do not have a lot of control right now and sometimes my friends become my punching bag. I am sleep deprived, anxious, scared, in pain, in recovery, learning something brand new and scary, un-sure, feeling inadequate and much more. I promise you I never mean to say things the way that I did. I really did want to talk to you and I really did want to spend time with you. This might be the first time that this phrase is actually truthful, “it’s really not you, it’s me.”

I AM TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT.

This might take some time unfortunately. This is all new to me. I am learning how to navigate raising tiny humans and being there for my friends. It is a little more all consuming than I was prepared for. It may take time, but I want you to know that I am putting in the work because I know that you deserve to be poured into as well as I need you to pour into me.

JUST BECAUSE I FORGET TO CALL YOU DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU.

I have said to so many people I totally meant to call them. If I have said let’s schedule a time to talk and then I do not follow through let me just make something clear…. I am so sorry and it has nothing to do with how I feel about or friendship or you personally. The days can sometimes get away from me and having a toddler and and infant keeps me on my toes. I assure you, you don’t want me to call you while Shaylee is teething or Ellie is having a tantrum. I am exhausted. I really meant it when I said I want to catch up, I want to talk to you and I and trying so hard to keep up. I sincerely love you, it is just so hard to find time right now and that is super hard for me to explain or for you to understand. I so appreciate your grace and your understanding.

IF I DIDN’T TEXT YOU BACK, TEXT ME AGAIN, OR CALL ME.

Here’s the thing. There are day when it feels like I am running a zoo, or a circus! I have lost track of how many times I read a text and forget to reply. Again, it has nothing to to with you, I am swamped. Blow up my phone! I want you to. Seriously. I need adult conversations. I beg you. 😂

MOTHERHOOD IS INCREDIBLY ISOLATING AND LONELY.

It is a weird feeling to be surrounded by tiny humans yet feel all alone. I love those itty bitty versions of my hubby and I but I would love to talk to someone without asking them if I need to wipe their butts. 😂 I would love to have a conversation that doesn’t involve me pleading with my toddler not to wipe her boogers on the wall…. I don’t feel like my old self, because I am not my old self… It is very lonely. We, as moms, just need to know that we are not forgotten.

YOU REMIND ME OF… ME.

You are a reminder of the me I was before motherhood. It is always good to have people who really know you to come along side you as you bloom into motherhood. Having a friend that can remind you of your stupid decisions in college or that one ex you don’t speak of is good for the soul. Remind me of the stupid things we used to do, remind me of the embarrassing moments and help me out of the tunnel vision of diapers and formula. It’s the best medicine to laugh, you know all my stories, use them wisely! 😜 You also know me, which means you know when I am lying about not being ok. Call me out, I may lack the ability to verbalize the emotional backlog I am experiencing. You have probably seen something similar… you know what to do!!

I NEED YOU & I NEED HELP.

I would love to pretend like I have it all together, but you know more than anyone that it is in fact a bold face lie. Im sleep deprived, overworked and heavy. Our time together may look different and for that I am sorry. I am not going to be good at asking for help, I assure you I need it. I need you friend. I need your hugs, I need your advice, I need your encouragement, I need you wine and I need you. 😂

YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT BREATHES LIFE.

A little melodramatic?? Maybe. However it definitely feels like a breath of fresh air. Your words carry weight. When you tell me that I look beautiful pregnant when I feel like a whale, that mattered. When you told me I was glowing even when I knew it was just sweat, that mattered. When you told me I’m a good mom as I held my screaming toddler, that mattered. When you told me I can still rock a bathing suit, that mattered. When you told me I still have purpose, that mattered. When you told me my butt looks good in those mom jeans… IT MATTERED. It matters because I needed to hear it more than you know. I need to know that I haven’t been forgotten or looked over. It matters because as my friends I value your opinion. I value your thoughts and what you think. When you notice things and compliment me, I feel a sense of much needed validation. It matters friend. Thank you!

ENTER THE CHAOS WITH ME.

Our time together is going to look different. I may not be able to come to you because I am now tied to a nap schedule. I may not be able to go to a certain restaurant because it doesn’t serve food that my kids can eat. I may need you to come to my house and live in the chaos with me. If you are ever looking for a way to speak my language the best way to do that is to enter my world and enter my chaos.

I ACTUALLY LOVE THE NEW ME.

I know that sometimes it may look like I am drowning (I AM😂) but I actually love being a mom. I may not be as cool anymore, I may sing songs about poop or washing your hands but I am actually happier than I have ever been. I need you to know that. I need you to know that while I look like I am a hot mess (which 99% of the time I am) this is the most me I have ever felt. I WANT to show you my kids newest picture, I WANT to show you the new thing she just learned how to do, I WANT them to love you as much as I do and I WANT you to love them too. It is very hard to explain how something that turns your world this upside down can also make you so incredibly happy and fulfilled. Those little tiny humans are more whole world and I want to share that new world with the people I love.

THANK YOU.

Thank you. Thank you for calling me, for checking on me and for being there for me. Thank you for bringing me coffee and sitting with me in the wee hours of the morning while I feed my sweet babies. Thank you for bringing food to the hospital while I was in labor so that I would have food ready when I could eat again. Thank you for always driving to me because I was bound to the house for nap time. Thank you for letting me be hormonal and irrational and letting me cry for no reason. Thank you for loving my kids and buying them outfits and toys. Thank you for coming to their birthday parties and being apart of their big moments. Thank you for holding my babies so I could sleep or take a shower. Thank you for making me food and making sure that I ate. Thank you for cleaning my house when I was napping. Thank you for bring me flowers and for checking on me when I have gone radio silent. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for breathing life into me whenever I felt dry. Thank you for making sure I am focusing on me. Thank you for getting me out of the house even when I didn’t want to! Thank you for encouraging me and supporting me. Thank you for entering my world and not judging the new me. Thank you for allowing me to grow into this new woman and grow into being a mom. Thank you for being proud of my kids and showing them off like they are your own. There are never going to be enough worlds to express how grateful I am. I love you.

XOXO, KB