Undisputed Origin

Wipes tears away, rolls up her sleeves

Let’s go.

Living authentically. If you grew up in youth group like I did, you have probably heard the phrase ‘we want to live authentically’. This has been a goal for my life for as long as I can remember. I tell people all the time, “I just want to lead from a place of authenticity. I want to be 100% real with you…”. Im sure I feel that way in the moment.

But do I really want that?

I have recently gone through a lot of emotional stress and change. Those of you who know me personally know that I’ve been carrying some pretty heavy burdens. I am honestly not doing a very good job. I have been having trouble processing and being real with myself. I slap a smile on my face and might as well put an auto response on my text messages when someone asks me how I am doing. “I’m doin’ ok! Thanks for asking, but how are you?”

Deflect.

Don’t answer the question.

Don’t get too deep.

They’ll see how broken you are.

Why is that bad though?? Why do we constantly strive to appear better than we are? Why do we constantly keep people at arms length to hide what’s actually going on in our lives?

I want people to see a better side of me than I see of myself.

I have recently tried to break into the influencer occupation. I love blogging and I love fashion and I would love to be apart of that. The last month made me question everything.

It all started with the NSALE.

For those of you who do not follow fashion bloggers, the Nsale is a sale that Nordstrom does every August that is super prestigious. They have levels of dates for who can shop based on level of spending, store credit card or level of influence on social media. Following all of these incredible bloggers has made a really ugly side of me appear. I am going to open up and be honest about it, I would rather sweep it under the rug and hide it but I think it is important to shed light on this though.

Comparison. Envy. Sadness.

Watching these bloggers vlog their Nsale experience set off a sadness inside me that I haven’t been able to understand. I watched these STUNNING, FLAWLESS and INFLUENTIAL women walk into fitting rooms with racks of shiny, new, expensive and exclusive clothes to try on for their followers. Their hair is beautiful, their bodies appear perfect and they are drinking champagne while trying on all these beautiful pieces. Doesn’t get much better than that!

I love clothes. The first thing I buy with my fun money is clothing. It is interesting to me how quietly comparison sneaks into our lives. As I watched these women buy all of these clothes I kept looking at my budget. As I watched them demonstrate the fit of the jeans, I looked about my waist in the mirror. As I watched them style pieces with the new “must have sneaker” that “goes with everything” and I instantly wanted to get rid of the shoes I already bought for fear they might not be good enough this season. I spent way too long on social media watching these stories and posts and trying to find ways to justify spending all this money to look like these women.. it’s after all what I want to do!! If I want to be influential, this is what is working in the current culture.

Trust me, in retrospect, I hear how irrational I sound.

A sadness came over me like a dark cloud.

Then the lie that has followed me through my entire life.

I will never be good enough.

I say all of this to bring attention to the root of all of that garbage, Comparison.

Comparison will steal any joy and happiness that you have. Comparison is a liar and and thief. It makes you work twice as hard for something that might not even be what you actually want. It causes you to doubt every calling on your own life. It causes fear and anxiety to reign in your head instead of love and peace. It slowly creeps in and steals your ability to shine and forces you to focus on the light in others while slowly dimming your own. We compare ourselves to others in every aspect of life. We compare our timeline with other people, even though we serve the author of time. As Steven Furtik says we compare our behind the scenes with other peoples highlight reel. We compare talent, looks, success, parenting and our marriages. We compare bank accounts and jobs as well as how well behaved our kids are. We compare how many followers on instagram we have or how fit we are. What is fascinating is that we are trying to prove something about our life to someone who isn’t paying attention. They aren’t paying attention because they are trying to prove something to someone else… it goes on and on.

Comparison will make you think you have to prove your worth instead of believing your worth.

When you do not believe in who God has called you to be, you convince yourself to perform and prove your value.

This is coming from someone who is struggling with this right now! So if you see me performing my life instead of living it, call me out people!!

Comparison manipulates your mind into performing and keeps you from actually living.

Comparison makes you believe you have something to prove instead of resting in who you are.

Because the reality is, when you realize who your creator is…. you realize you have nothing to prove.

You don’t need to prove your worth when you already know you’re worthy.

So what makes someone compare themselves to other people? For me personally it stems from a deep rooted place of insecurity. Somewhere along the way I have bought into the lie that who I am at my core is not enough. I feel as though I am inadequate. Maybe it stems from the performance world, constantly comparing and competing, you always have this unattainable goal.

Here is something you may not know about me, I am a word nerd. I always look up the definitions to words because I find it fascinating that I don’t know the real meaning behind some of the words I use. So I looked up the word ‘inadequate.’

Inadequate: “lacking the quality required, insufficient for a purpose”

That definition hit me like a ton of bricks. This, my friends, is the root of so many of our problems in life. OK, maybe just mine but I have a feeling I am not alone in this. We all are born with a longing to have purpose, a reason for being brought into this crazy world. As we grow up we get bruised and broken along the way by others who are bruised and broken. (never an excuse to hurt others but most of the time hurting people hurt people).

We are all just searching a longing to have a purpose. When you allow the world to influence the way you view yourself the lies will take root into your soul. Suddenly a beautiful masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10 “For we are Gods workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God has planned in advance for us to do.”) starts to crack at the seams. We start to doubt the potters intentions and doubt the beauty of being handcrafted. We forget the time that our Creator spent forming our souls and our hearts. Our view of who we are gets shifted and skewed when we look through the broken lenses of culture. Lenses that lie and tell us we need to look, think and be a certain way. We forget that the creator had our purpose in mind when he fastened our hearts. We doubt our value because we have unbelief in our hearts. We don’t believe that our creator made us the right way, or maybe, just maybe…. He made a mistake?

Oof, don’t you dare let that lie take root. He doesn’t make mistakes.

I think it is interesting that in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were tempted by a snake. When I think about the way a snake would speak, I imagine that it wouldn’t be very loud. It would be quiet, right up in your ear, whispering and piercing. I think that is why you don’t notice the lies right away. I think we get so used to the negative self talk in our own heads we can’t tell a difference. All the whispers and all the lies start to blend together and soon enough it will start sounding like truth. Those lies start sprouting little roots that start traveling and growing until they have taken root deep into your soul and into your heart and we don’t know who we are anymore.

Suddenly those whispers become the only thing we can hear… like white noise.

No wonder the truth is silenced.

Now that I have two impressionable daughters I think very often about what influences they are taking in. Anyone who grew up in the church in the 90s might remember a little song that said, “ Oh be careful little eyes what you see, be careful little ears what you hear.” Maybe it was just my mom. 😂 That song haunts me now that I am a mom because what we take into our ears and eyes has a direct affect on how we feel about ourselves.

-But Kristen, what does this have to do with comparison and living authentically??

Wow, I am so glad you asked!!

When we listen to the lies and block out the truth our security in who we are gets shaken. We start to question who we are and why are we here. The unbelief creates a void that we try to fill with quick fixes and easy solutions. We numb the pain or distract ourselves and shove it down long enough for the next lie starts knocking on our hearts. When I feel myself start to drown my life boat has always been to go back to the beginning.

The Origin.

Once again nerdy Kristen makes an appearance for this paragraphs episode of…. What’s That Definition!!!!

Did you know that authenticity means to have undisputed origin.

You better hang on, I’m about to preach.

Undisputed origin. When you are living in authenticity you are living with an understanding that you have an undisputed origin. Or in Kristens translation, you know where you come from. When you know who you are the rest of the lies cannot stick. Those lies are undisputed, they hold no weight, no validity and no value. There is no argument to be made. There is a line that is drawn. We are striving so desperately to find purpose yet we forget that we were meticulously formed us in our mothers womb.

How do I know that?

Psalm 139: 13-16

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

I am a workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)

I am loved by my God (Isaiah 54:10)

I am Beautiful (Psalm 45:11)

I am Redeemed ( Ephesians 1:7)

I am Worth it (Romans 5:6-8)

I am more Precious than rubies (Proverbs 31:10)

I am Forgiven (Romans 8:1)

I am Valuable (Mathew 6:26)

I am Chosen (1 Peter 2:9)

I am Strong (Psalm 18:35)

The list goes on and on and on….

Here’s the thing… when you believe who you are the lies of the world and the lies of the enemy hold no weight. Your value is undisputed. When you are your real authentic self, just who God created you to be, nothing else matters. You are who you need to be! You have purpose. Knowing who you are is made easier when you know whose you are. When you belong, when you are accepted and loved your heart can find rest. There is no need to strive, to compare, to alter, to be perfect, to try constantly to be who everyone else wants you to be…. you rest. You rest knowing you are already who you were meant to be. You can rest easy knowing that you have a purpose, and someone else’s story and journey is not your journey. You do not know what storms the Lord has walked through with those people. You don’t see the sweat and tears behind the perfectly posed photos. You don’t see the nights of little sleep working to reach their goal. You don’t see the pain of comparison that they are dealing with too. You don’t see the argument and the melt down that family had right before that perfect family picture was taken. You don’t see the temper tantrum that 2 year old had before their mama bribed them to take a cute mommy and me photo. You don’t see the immense pressure your favorite music artist is under. You don’t see the list of rejection that broadway start had before they won their Tony. You just don’t see it.

When the truth sinks in, suddenly every day you can become a more beautiful creation in the potters hands. The pressure is off!

A vase doesn’t compare itself to another vase, it serves its purpose knowing it holds the beauty of the flowers within.

The moon doesn’t get jealous of the suns time to shine, it confidently waits knowing night time is coming.

You were created for greatness, you were created to shine. Stop dimming your light by concentrating on others… shine bright and live in authenticity.

Your undisputed origin.

XOXO, KB