This is me.

Cue the music.

Anyone else hearthe drums start playing when you see or hear those three words? Maybe it’s just my music background and my obsession with musical theater. When the movie “The Greatest Showman” came out I was so drawn to that song, as was everyone. I was actually brought to tears watching that strength rise in Lettie as she presented herself to the world in-spite all her insecurities and in spite of all the unkind words. I thought, “I’d love to have that kind of strength.” The truth is, we would all love to walk with our heads held high knowing without a shadow of a doubt what we have to offer. I have recently been on a journey to start loving and accepting myself in the last couple months. It hasn’t been easy but I have learned more about who I am in the last 6 months than in my whole life.

There is a reason diamonds are formed out of extreme pressure and gold refined through the flames.

When life rips away every facade you’ve built and every mask you’ve made, it might be time to introduce yourself to, well, you.

This is me.

I recently wrote about living from a place of authenticity and how that has helped me stop comparing myself to others. If that was the first round, consider this the sequel. Vol. 1 can be found here. I talk a lot about finding your undisputed origin, or knowing where you come from. That is a great first step!! Now that you know where you come from it’s time to get to know the real you. You know, the person you are when know one is looking. The unedited, not retouched, not given five more min. to fix ourselves up… the real you.

Did you get nervous? I did.

I’ve struggled a lot my whole life. I always had to work twice as hard as my friends in school to get a B when they barely attended and got As. I have always wanted to be organized and yet my desk looks like the playroom after my two toddlers were there. I have trouble paying attention while people are talking and many times people would describe me as being “lost in the clouds.” Growing up I was always made fun of for being spacey or ditsy and it was usually accompanied by, “well at least you’re pretty”. All jokes aside, that little phrase has stuck with me and still hurts to this day. (Honestly I don’t fault anyone for saying it, I just don’t think anyone really understood my desire to be known as so much more.) I have always felt a little socially awkward and really worked hard to “fit in” with whoever I was with. I call myself a relational chameleon and struggled in relationships because I blended into whatever the current boyfriend or friend wanted at the time. I wrote on that too… click here. I have always surrounded myself with incredibly smart and accomplished people. In fact I look at my closest friends and family and they are all very high achieving, intelligent and talented people. Even though I know I was created for something awesome I can’t help but compare myself to the people around me.

For crying out loud I even married one!!

My hubby is brilliant, hard working, very high achieving and I am often in awe of his brain.

He is also one who loves to analyze people, he likes to understand how their brain works. He and I have spent a long time analyzing why I say and do things that I do. For most of our marriage we have both been confused why certain arguments happen or why I feel as though my brain doesn’t process things the way others do. It makes me frustrated when I try to clean and organize the house and I feel like after an hour of cleaning I have only moved things to other parts of the house! 😂 To say nothing about the times I have put the milk in the cupboard or let’s be really honest, the time I put my cell phone in the fridge for three hours. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Now some of you are catching on to what is about to come next, if you are… congrats, you figured out something that took me 30 years to find out!! With all the stress in my life recently I decided to go see a therapist. Let me stop right there and say this.

People. GO SEE A THERAPIST. Everyone should see a counselor or therapist at some point in your life. I say it should be a regular part of your life. Take care of your mental health! I do not know why there is such negative connotation with seeing a therapist, it was the best decision I've made in a long time.

Turns out after talking with the therapist I have undiagnosed ADHD. Surprised? I was.

Suddenly everything in my life makes sense. hahaha.

Now I am not telling you this for sympathy or to make excuses for anything in my life. I simply believe in order to be your best self, you need to know yourself. It has always been incredibly hard for me to do so because I never really understood myself or valued myself. Until now.

I think it is important to laugh at yourself so a lot of this blog is embarrassing stories of me! I am finally becoming ok with accepting who I am.

Why is that hard though?? Why is it easy to accept other people and hard to accept yourself. I have unending grace for the people around me but my bucket seem pretty shallow when I turn the mirror on myself.

Get to know yourself.

One thing I have started challenging myself to recognize is what I am allowing into my life. Everything we “take in” is a choice. We choose to spend time on social media (not all bad), we choose to watch a show, we choose to listen to what we listen to, whether we want to admit it or not we had the ultimate say on what we allow into our lives. I recently went on an unfollowing frenzy on instagram because I was tired of putting myself down with comparison. I was tired feeling down when I got of instagram. You have a choice!! Use it.

Take some time and go find out who you are! Find NO shame in talking to a therapist. There are millions of diets and exercise programs and diet pills out there. We should care just as much about what we are taking into our minds.

So this is the new me!! I am a daughter of the king, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, singer, worship leader, writer, dancer, director, decorator, fashionista who is slightly disorganized and learning to love my adhd brain! 😜😜

I finally met myself, I think we are going to get along just fine…💕

XOXO, KB